Just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas real quick. Hope y'all enjoy the holidays to the fullest and spend time with your loved ones. It's not about just gifts but we sure do hope Santa is good to you ;)
- Cass, Mon & Stephanie
xoxo
12.24.2010
12.21.2010
Finding Forgiveness
“Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. If you twist it into something it was never meant to be, it can make you a doormat or an insufferable manipulator. Forgiving seems almost unnatural. Our sense of fairness tells us people should pay for the wrong they do. But forgiving is love's power to break nature's rule.” ~Lewis B. Smedes
Since I could remember, forgiveness was something my parents had taught us as children in very plain terms. When someone hurts you or you hurt them, say you are sorry and accept the apology. Furthermore, growing up in a Christian Orthodox home, we were taught to forgive like Jesus taught: straight from the heart, no judgment and to pray for those who have wronged you. Forgiveness cannot be practiced in plain terms as we grow older and I think many of you would agree that as hard as we try, Christian or no Christian, practicing Jesus’ wise teachings is a lot harder than the Bible has explained. As we grow older we learn hard lessons along the way, yet we forget to remember the basic things like “please” and “thank you” and naturally our concept of forgiveness becomes either jaded or we forget what it really means to forgive altogether. Since my recent heart break I have been dealing with a wide range of emotions: sadness, anger (which is really just more sadness), happiness and numbness and I have been putting the effort in everyday to work towards a more permanent state of happiness. However, in order for an individual to move on into a healthy state of mind, body and soul; I realized that I need to forgive this past love for the pain that was caused. Not just for me, but for him too. I have only really known forgiveness to be the kind where both parties are freed from the pain and have moved into a place where they are truly happy and that type of forgiveness can apply to any situation. Here’s my problem: how the hell do you forgive an ex that has hurt you? It doesn’t matter whether the Ex had cheated, lied or just gave up, pain is pain and it hurts no matter what. When two people (or maybe just one of you) have decided to call it off, neither one realizes how much damage was really done and how long the road to recovery really takes. I’m sure time heals all wounds, but I know forgiveness would heal it better. Accepting what was done and how things played out is a lot easier said than done because there is always the question of, why? I heard a saying the other day that “some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers,” and it’s the best answer to the “why” then anyone could ever give you and truly more satisfying than the answer your ex could ever give you. If he/she could come up with anything better than “I don’t know.” Forgiveness is a selfish act, but only if you do it for yourself and only if you keep it for yourself and even still, if it is a selfish act…it’s the most positive one I have ever heard of. I have asked many of my friends what they thought forgiveness means to them and this is what some of you wonderful people shared.
“Forgiveness is when you’ve accepted the wrong that was done and you are ready to move on from it.”
–MV
“Everyone deserves a second chance, if they really feel sorry and what to change. I think refusing to forgive is harmful to you because it harbours hard feelings and harmful to others because it doesn’t them live it down without remorse and looming guilt. It’s easier to forgive and not necessarily forget or be close again. ‘They say to err is human and to forgive is divine.’
“Forgiveness is not to forget. I believe forgiveness comes when one is ready to reflect on the past experience and has been able to learn from it.” K AE
“Forgiveness helps some people heal, I guess, but personally; if someone hurt you horribly I don’t think forgiveness helps.”
“Forgiveness is when you can come to terms with what has happened and you’ve realized that in actual fact what is meant for you is for you and no one person can alter that state. No one ever needs to forget, but definitely be able to put it behind you and move upwards and onwards….I think?” -TP
“Forgiveness is when you love someone so much that you can erase the pain they have caused you, or make you blind to the hurt they will cause again.” -NB
“Forgiveness is the act of turning the other cheek. It’s when you can come to an acceptance of why someone did what they did. It’s when you can say, ‘I forgive that person and pray for them in the future.’“ -N F
“I think it’s letting the person who have done you wrong know that you haven’t forgotten what was done, but you won’t forever bring up the issue, you’re allowing them to re-enter into your life. It’s as if you’re starting over with that person, no grudges held, and you are giving them the benefit of not doubting for the future.” -JR J
“I’ll think about it in the shower… Forgiveness is overcoming someone’s bad decision.” -A I
“Forgiveness for me is situational and also depends on who the person is. I don’t just have an all-encompassing concept of forgiveness.” –MB
“The innate ability to 'turn the other cheek' as it were. Forgiveness being Christ's gift to the world and all. Forgiveness is knowing someone's faults, and loving them anyway. Forgiveness is being stolen from and still having the ability to say a kind word about the person who did it. Forgiveness is being called a 'C**t' and still talking to the person said it. I would describe it as the most attractive quality a human being can possess (Even better than a sweet ass, beautiful face and perfect hair) and what separates Christianity from every other religion.” -CH
12.06.2010
Some things never change
Loss of a Lover.
You miss their warmth, their embrace, the intimacy, and the comfort of knowing that they're always there. But every day does get easier, and eventually you leave the memories behind. You move on and find somebody new who provides you with everything you had in that lover and more.
Loss of a Friend.
You miss the laughter and the jokes, the random phone calls and messages that brightened your day, the times you went out and the had the time of your lives, and the times you chilled out and did nothing at all. But you can always make new friends, there will always be somebody that enjoys your company just as much as you do theirs.
Loss of a Homie.
You miss them. A homie is someone you truly respect and value. Not for how they make you feel, not for what they can provide you or do for you, not for anything but who they are. A homie is family...they could do anything, say anything, be there every day or be gone for years, and it just doesn't matter because they have a permanent spot in your life... a spot that can never be replaced nor forgotten. The truth is, you never will lose a real homie, because these are rare people that will be around through the thick, and the ridiculously thin.
I thank God every day for the real homies in my life...for those that are with me every day, and for those that can't be. I couldn't have made it through the last 23 years of my life without my rocks, and they know exactly who they are.
You miss their warmth, their embrace, the intimacy, and the comfort of knowing that they're always there. But every day does get easier, and eventually you leave the memories behind. You move on and find somebody new who provides you with everything you had in that lover and more.
Loss of a Friend.
You miss the laughter and the jokes, the random phone calls and messages that brightened your day, the times you went out and the had the time of your lives, and the times you chilled out and did nothing at all. But you can always make new friends, there will always be somebody that enjoys your company just as much as you do theirs.
Loss of a Homie.
You miss them. A homie is someone you truly respect and value. Not for how they make you feel, not for what they can provide you or do for you, not for anything but who they are. A homie is family...they could do anything, say anything, be there every day or be gone for years, and it just doesn't matter because they have a permanent spot in your life... a spot that can never be replaced nor forgotten. The truth is, you never will lose a real homie, because these are rare people that will be around through the thick, and the ridiculously thin.
I thank God every day for the real homies in my life...for those that are with me every day, and for those that can't be. I couldn't have made it through the last 23 years of my life without my rocks, and they know exactly who they are.
12.03.2010
If you have a sense of humor... f##king laugh already...
I was you tubing and came across this hilarity. I know black people would take this as an offense, but like c'mon y'all, it's nothing to be serious about. I hope I don't sound like a racist just cause I found this video hella funny. Hope this made you laugh... even a lil, lol!
11.17.2010
Let Go.
I ain’t never had anyone fuck me up like you,
Lift me up so high and drop me down like you do.
Said you was hurtin, but it took you only two weeks to get through,
While I’m here suffering 3 months past due
I had the days I thought I was over it too
Wasn’t spending so much time thinkin bout you
But then you did the same shit that you always do,
Why you holdin, rubbin my hand as if I belong to you?
You knew what you were doin,
Ain’t that the game you always play?
Tell me to leave, but you can’t bare to see that day.
So you might be wonderin why the fuck do I stay…
I never even cussed you, never raised my voice
Cuz I still consider you my best friend… it ain’t even by choice
It’s just that you’re the only one I ever had that with
I truly cared for you…opened up to you…spent so much time with you
Musta been the reason I put up with all the bullshit that came with you
See if it were anyone else, I’d say fuck em and leave
But we got something special, something so hard to achieve
And the thing is…I know you felt all that too,
Why would you spend two years if it meant nothing to you?
I may have been naïve bout some of the shit you did,
But the things you told me…n the way you would hold me...
I know that was legit.
Maybe that’s why I’m still holdin on,
I don’t think you would’ve left, if I hadn’t gone.
Cuz it’s easy when you don’t gotta see me and your busy with your new G,
But whenever I’m around, you do all this shit...as if you wanna be with me
You can go ahead and deny it and keep your pride
But I know you…and I know when you show me that side
See now, I’m not sayin I still wanna be with you,
Think I learned that lesson after breakin my heart…times two
And don’t get me wrong, you know I’ve forgiven you
Guess all I’m really sayin is,
You let go...and I’ll let go too.
I wrote this poem on December 7th 2006...it's crazy how long its been and how very relevant it remains lol Anyway it's one of my all-time faves, hope you enjoyed it :)
Lift me up so high and drop me down like you do.
Said you was hurtin, but it took you only two weeks to get through,
While I’m here suffering 3 months past due
I had the days I thought I was over it too
Wasn’t spending so much time thinkin bout you
But then you did the same shit that you always do,
Why you holdin, rubbin my hand as if I belong to you?
You knew what you were doin,
Ain’t that the game you always play?
Tell me to leave, but you can’t bare to see that day.
So you might be wonderin why the fuck do I stay…
I never even cussed you, never raised my voice
Cuz I still consider you my best friend… it ain’t even by choice
It’s just that you’re the only one I ever had that with
I truly cared for you…opened up to you…spent so much time with you
Musta been the reason I put up with all the bullshit that came with you
See if it were anyone else, I’d say fuck em and leave
But we got something special, something so hard to achieve
And the thing is…I know you felt all that too,
Why would you spend two years if it meant nothing to you?
I may have been naïve bout some of the shit you did,
But the things you told me…n the way you would hold me...
I know that was legit.
Maybe that’s why I’m still holdin on,
I don’t think you would’ve left, if I hadn’t gone.
Cuz it’s easy when you don’t gotta see me and your busy with your new G,
But whenever I’m around, you do all this shit...as if you wanna be with me
You can go ahead and deny it and keep your pride
But I know you…and I know when you show me that side
See now, I’m not sayin I still wanna be with you,
Think I learned that lesson after breakin my heart…times two
And don’t get me wrong, you know I’ve forgiven you
Guess all I’m really sayin is,
You let go...and I’ll let go too.
I wrote this poem on December 7th 2006...it's crazy how long its been and how very relevant it remains lol Anyway it's one of my all-time faves, hope you enjoyed it :)
11.16.2010
My Christmas List
Dear Santa,
All I want for Christmas issssss....
My family, my bestest friends, walks in the park, late night movies, and maybe even playing in the snow...??? :)
To bake goodies, to chat, to laugh, to smiiiiile and to simply enjoy my days and nights to the fullest.
Those sound like the greatest gifts eveer right now...no material gift could beat finally being able to relax and spend time with the ones I love without stressing about assignments and exams and all that crap...I can't waaaiit!
Come soon PLEASSEE! :D
All I want for Christmas issssss....
My family, my bestest friends, walks in the park, late night movies, and maybe even playing in the snow...??? :)
To bake goodies, to chat, to laugh, to smiiiiile and to simply enjoy my days and nights to the fullest.
Those sound like the greatest gifts eveer right now...no material gift could beat finally being able to relax and spend time with the ones I love without stressing about assignments and exams and all that crap...I can't waaaiit!
Come soon PLEASSEE! :D
11.13.2010
Vent #19
At the verge of wanting to choke a whole list of people... Or even shake the shit outta them. Waiting on God's approval :)
On another note: Have a good weekend y'all!
On another note: Have a good weekend y'all!
11.11.2010
Blame Game
I was listening to Kanye's new album on repeat (craaazy good by the way) and there was one song that really caught me with a wicked piano intro.
Then I really listened to the lyrics...and I fell more than in love with it.
It speaks to the blame game..the fighting...the name-calling...the back and forth ...all that shit that takes place when you try to fix a relationship. All the hatred and resentment that grows from "fixing" the issues, from blaming one another and ultimately blaming yourself. We often get so caught up in trying to fix things and looking for any and every solution that we don't realize how much we're damaging ourselves, the ones we love, and our relationships. Sometimes the answer lies in walking away and recognizing that there is no fix.
Because as the song goes on to say, in the end...
" Things used to be, now they not. Anything but us is who we are, disguisin ourselves as secret lovers, we've become public enemies. We walk away like strangers in the street, gone for eternity, we erase one another. So far from where we came, with so much of everything, how did we leave with nothing? Lack of visual empathy equates the meaning of L-O-V-E. Hatred and attitude tear us entirely."
I can't lie..I teared up at that part, some sad but real words. There's nothing or nobody that can move me, speak to me, and soothe me like my true love, music.
You can find the full length song (feat. John Legend and Chris Rock)
Then I really listened to the lyrics...and I fell more than in love with it.
It speaks to the blame game..the fighting...the name-calling...the back and forth ...all that shit that takes place when you try to fix a relationship. All the hatred and resentment that grows from "fixing" the issues, from blaming one another and ultimately blaming yourself. We often get so caught up in trying to fix things and looking for any and every solution that we don't realize how much we're damaging ourselves, the ones we love, and our relationships. Sometimes the answer lies in walking away and recognizing that there is no fix.
Because as the song goes on to say, in the end...
" Things used to be, now they not. Anything but us is who we are, disguisin ourselves as secret lovers, we've become public enemies. We walk away like strangers in the street, gone for eternity, we erase one another. So far from where we came, with so much of everything, how did we leave with nothing? Lack of visual empathy equates the meaning of L-O-V-E. Hatred and attitude tear us entirely."
I can't lie..I teared up at that part, some sad but real words. There's nothing or nobody that can move me, speak to me, and soothe me like my true love, music.
You can find the full length song (feat. John Legend and Chris Rock)
11.08.2010
Mayer Hawthorne
I totally put my bf on to Mayer Hawthorne... And he's liked his music ever since, he's thanked me a million times for it.
Lol
K... I joke! He put me on to his music, and we've seen him perform twice already, lol. If you haven't heard of him, youtube him.
The last video is the only thing i was able to find on this song... so ah well!
Lol
K... I joke! He put me on to his music, and we've seen him perform twice already, lol. If you haven't heard of him, youtube him.
The last video is the only thing i was able to find on this song... so ah well!
11.05.2010
LADIES... we don't give ourselves enough credit!
So... yesterday morning my hair stylist bbms me asking me a question. "Cass, what physical features don't you like about yourself?" And did I have a list of things I mentioned, LOL. I don't have low self- esteem, but as every woman out there... there's things about myself I wish I could improve. It's not that I hate my body or I am uncomfortable in my own skin, but c'mon... none of us are perfect and there's nothing wrong with improving certain things. Not like I'm tryna get a full body surgery or something, lol.
So any who... I asked her why she was asking me that question, and she said "I was just curious... women in our city are so gorgeous but we never see that within ourselves." And so with the boredom of my day I surveyed away, lol. I asked a good few women, most that I am close to of course. And the answers I got were surprising. We look at every damn thing on our body. Shit 99.9% of people wouldn't even notice. LITERALLY!!!!
These are some answers I got from some females... The things they weren't necessarily a fan of, wished they could improve, but at the same time I hadn't noticed any of these things, lol.
- Weight (we kill ourselves over this one)
- Too much hair (if i can get laser treatment on everything... i would)
- Skin problems
- Teeth (I wish I had braces as a child)
- Knee caps (literally... knee caps. Nobody will notice this but YOU)
- Ears
- Hair
- Too much boobs or not enough
- Stretch marks
... and the list friggen goes on...
Now, I wanted to ask some of my boys what they didn't like about themselves... and as you may have guessed, most of them said I LOVE MYSELF! Lol. The only thing i really got was "I wish i was taller" ... K, so why the f#ck does it go this way. You got most of these dudes who think they're A-okay, and we got more than 95% of women out there who have so many things we would love to improve.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with how we feel about ourselves. It is totally natural that when we look in the mirror, we think "umm i wish my stomach was flatter" lol. But at the same time, does all this shit really matter? Is anyone out there perfect? We def don't give ourselves enough credit. More than half the things my lady friends mentioned, I never even noticed. I've known some of these girls for yearssss, and I don't see any of those features they mentioned. They look perfectly fine to me. There were a couple women out there who said they love themselves just how they are. They said that they have accepted who they are and have embraced it. BUT, that still doesn't mean you don't look at yourself in the mirror and wanna improve something. Kudos to you if you have embraced it all... and don't get it twisted, all the women I spoke to are all confident. Just cause you find something wrong with your body does not mean you haven't embraced it. I'm content with myself YET there's always room for improvement.
So seriously... as we bicker about our weight, who gives a shit eat that steak. As we talk about how much we hate our stretch marks, we can't change it. We complain about our teeth not being straight enough, Smile anyway cause whomever is falling in love with you, surely isn't for your frown. Our boobs aren't perky enough?!?! Totally take that bra of while you're making love cause you know for damn sure he's loving it no matter what.
Always room for improvement, but no need to dwell over these things. Beautiful regardless of our knee caps, weight, thin hair, dark circles under our eyes, feet, stretch marks, ears... and the million other things we talk about. At the end of the day.... NOBODY is born without a FLAW. When you sit there and think about all the things you don't necessarily like about yourself, flip that around and think about the things you do love about yourself ;)
SideNote: I put some pics up of my gawjus lady friends... just by looking at them you would never see that there's anything noticeable right?! But of course we all look at ourselves and notice every little flaw to US. I don't give a shit if I'm not fit, I'm going to a buffet tonight!!! =) =)
11.04.2010
The Break-Up Phase
After a break-up there are so many mixed feelings that we all go through: sad, depressed, angry, hopeful, doubtful, and even happy moments. The happy moments are the ones we want to hold onto, but are easily stolen from us because the menacing jerks (anger and sadness) are greedy and don’t know when to take a walk when we ask them to. Of course, it doesn’t help when you’re still in a “relationship” even after the relationship has ended. What exactly is the break-up phase? It’s the relationship you’re still in even though you have broken up; the one where you’re not friends but are best friends and you really don’t want to be either. It’s the part where you are still confused about not being lovers anymore, but want to be intimate even though you shouldn’t. This is the phase where you have to learn how to manage all those feelings as well as this new “relationship” and still have your sanity intact. It’s not an easy road, but it’s a road we all walk on at some point. Let’s face the truth and admit that it’s not easy to quit cold turkey. Trying to move on is next to impossible when you are still wondering how they are doing, what they are doing, who they are with and are they happy? Talk to one another as comfortably as you can. If once a week or month works for both of you then do it because they are wondering the same things too. You are not crazy and you are definitely not pathetic either. It’s normal to still want them even though a large part of you doesn’t want them at all. It’s a long process to get out of the break-up phase, but it is not impossible. Stay busy! Read a book, go for a walk, call your girlfriends and put on your freakum dress, do whatever you need to do to stay busy. Eventually the feeling of wanting will fade and you will begin to want to spend more time with yourself. This will be the relationship you were seeking all along and the best one you could ever have. By this time when the Ex has called for their yearly (monthly, bi-weekly or weekly) check-up, you have already been well on the way to recovery and have even forgotten that their birthday has just passed. However, be nice to them. They may not have gotten pass the phase like you have and if you don’t want anything to do with them, kindly tell them so. Breaking up is hard to do but the phase after the break-up is the hardest part, but never impossible to get through!
Quotes!
I have nothing much to blog about... but since I haven't blogged in a while I figured I put up some quotes I like. Enjoy! =)
- "Do, or Do Not... there is no 'try' "
- "Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday"
- "Experience is the name so many people give to their mistake"
- "Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn't pay... So if you keep reading, you'll go broke"
- "Never interrupt your opponent while he's making a mistake"
- "It may look like I'm doing nothing, but I'm actively waiting for my problems to go away"
- "Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby"
- "If you're gonna go... Go obnoxiously"
- "Life is like photography; Use the negatives to develop"
- "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian"
- "Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them"
- "Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege"
- "You laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at you because you are all the same"
- "It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument"
- "Do what you love and love what you do... Cause people who mind don't matter & people who matter don't mind"
- "Beginnings are usually scary and endings are usually sad, but it's everything in between that makes it all worth living"
- "& i promise... someday you'll regret losing me... and you'll think back and say 'damn, that girl really did love me' "
- "Forget Love; I'd rather fall in Chocolate"
- "Do, or Do Not... there is no 'try' "
- "Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday"
- "Experience is the name so many people give to their mistake"
- "Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn't pay... So if you keep reading, you'll go broke"
- "Never interrupt your opponent while he's making a mistake"
- "It may look like I'm doing nothing, but I'm actively waiting for my problems to go away"
- "Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby"
- "If you're gonna go... Go obnoxiously"
- "Life is like photography; Use the negatives to develop"
- "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian"
- "Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them"
- "Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege"
- "You laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at you because you are all the same"
- "It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument"
- "Do what you love and love what you do... Cause people who mind don't matter & people who matter don't mind"
- "Beginnings are usually scary and endings are usually sad, but it's everything in between that makes it all worth living"
- "& i promise... someday you'll regret losing me... and you'll think back and say 'damn, that girl really did love me' "
- "Forget Love; I'd rather fall in Chocolate"
10.29.2010
“I want to be sure of you”
While talking with my fellow AOMP blogger, we found ourselves in very similar situations when it came to the guys we use to have in our lives. The ones who love us like no other, the one who would do anything for us and the one that tells you you’re extra special. You know which one I’m talking about: the one that doesn’t want to hurt us, but hurts us every time! The one that wants to be sure of you! I’m sure many women have heard this before and thought “Wow! He must really love me so much that he would rather not take the risk, sweep me off my feet and keep me forever!” The truth is that guy who says those fatal words really means he doesn’t want a relationship. Not with you, not with anyone and likely not even with himself. If they are questioning the possibility of a relationship or a previous one it means that they don’t care enough about the person they are delivering the line to. Let’s be honest here. If that guy really loved you the way he says, really thinks you’re extra-special, and never wants to hurt your feelings then why would he even need to think twice about you? Don’t go thinking that you’re not an awesome person who many people adore because you are that person! That guy doesn’t deserve you, your time, and everything else that is awesome about you. Don’t doubt the woman that you truly are because that guy wasn’t willing to put in the work and do everything in his power to make it work. Consider yourself lucky that you dumped him, or he dumped you, or you both called it quits together. I say this because that guy will never realize what he truly had with you and even if he realizes it, it’s too late because by then you’ve moved on and I know you’ve moved on because you are awesome! Now this is what I have to say to that guy: while you are busy taking your time being sure of that wonderful woman you never truly appreciated, she’s gone. Not only did you take too long, but you lost her before you even knew it. Good women don’t wait for that guy to be sure of her because she is sure of herself, and she is surely going to find a great guy who will be sure of her too. Oh, and one more thing: stop telling that awesome girl you lost things like, “I still love you obviously...will forever if not a very long time.” You have no business telling her things like that anymore because it means nothing if you aren’t together. Let her go, let her be free, she deserves to be with someone who will always be sure of her. If that drives you crazy you only have yourself to blame.
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