Let Go.

I ain’t never had anyone fuck me up like you,
Lift me up so high and drop me down like you do.
Said you was hurtin, but it took you only two weeks to get through,
While I’m here suffering 3 months past due

I had the days I thought I was over it too
Wasn’t spending so much time thinkin bout you
But then you did the same shit that you always do,
Why you holdin, rubbin my hand as if I belong to you?

You knew what you were doin,
Ain’t that the game you always play?
Tell me to leave, but you can’t bare to see that day.
So you might be wonderin why the fuck do I stay…

I never even cussed you, never raised my voice
Cuz I still consider you my best friend… it ain’t even by choice
It’s just that you’re the only one I ever had that with
I truly cared for you…opened up to you…spent so much time with you
Musta been the reason I put up with all the bullshit that came with you

See if it were anyone else, I’d say fuck em and leave
But we got something special, something so hard to achieve
And the thing is…I know you felt all that too,
Why would you spend two years if it meant nothing to you?

I may have been naïve bout some of the shit you did,
But the things you told me…n the way you would hold me...
I know that was legit.
Maybe that’s why I’m still holdin on,
I don’t think you would’ve left, if I hadn’t gone.

Cuz it’s easy when you don’t gotta see me and your busy with your new G,
But whenever I’m around, you do all this shit...as if you wanna be with me
You can go ahead and deny it and keep your pride
But I know you…and I know when you show me that side

See now, I’m not sayin I still wanna be with you,
Think I learned that lesson after breakin my heart…times two
And don’t get me wrong, you know I’ve forgiven you
Guess all I’m really sayin is,
You let go...and I’ll let go too.

I wrote this poem on December 7th 2006...it's crazy how long its been and how very relevant it remains lol Anyway it's one of my all-time faves, hope you enjoyed it :)

Dear New Yawk,

I'll see you in a NY minute ;)

My Christmas List

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas issssss....

My family, my bestest friends, walks in the park, late night movies, and maybe even playing in the snow...??? :)

To bake goodies, to chat, to laugh, to smiiiiile and to simply enjoy my days and nights to the fullest.

Those sound like the greatest gifts eveer right now...no material gift could beat finally being able to relax and spend time with the ones I love without stressing about assignments and exams and all that crap...I can't waaaiit!

Come soon PLEASSEE! :D

Vent #19

At the verge of wanting to choke a whole list of people... Or even shake the shit outta them. Waiting on God's approval :)

On another note: Have a good weekend y'all!

Blame Game

I was listening to Kanye's new album on repeat (craaazy good by the way) and there was one song that really caught me with a wicked piano intro.

Then I really listened to the lyrics...and I fell more than in love with it.

It speaks to the blame game..the fighting...the name-calling...the back and forth ...all that shit that takes place when you try to fix a relationship. All the hatred and resentment that grows from "fixing" the issues, from blaming one another and ultimately blaming yourself. We often get so caught up in trying to fix things and looking for any and every solution that we don't realize how much we're damaging ourselves, the ones we love, and our relationships. Sometimes the answer lies in walking away and recognizing that there is no fix.

Because as the song goes on to say, in the end...

" Things used to be, now they not. Anything but us is who we are, disguisin ourselves as secret lovers, we've become public enemies. We walk away like strangers in the street, gone for eternity, we erase one another. So far from where we came, with so much of everything, how did we leave with nothing? Lack of visual empathy equates the meaning of L-O-V-E. Hatred and attitude tear us entirely."

I can't lie..I teared up at that part, some sad but real words. There's nothing or nobody that can move me, speak to me, and soothe me like my true love, music.

You can find the full length song (feat. John Legend and Chris Rock)

Mayer Hawthorne

I totally put my bf on to Mayer Hawthorne... And he's liked his music ever since, he's thanked me a million times for it.

Lol

K... I joke! He put me on to his music, and we've seen him perform twice already, lol. If you haven't heard of him, youtube him.






The last video is the only thing i was able to find on this song... so ah well!

LADIES... we don't give ourselves enough credit!

So... yesterday morning my hair stylist bbms me asking me a question. "Cass, what physical features don't you like about yourself?" And did I have a list of things I mentioned, LOL. I don't have low self- esteem, but as every woman out there... there's things about myself I wish I could improve. It's not that I hate my body or I am uncomfortable in my own skin, but c'mon... none of us are perfect and there's nothing wrong with improving certain things. Not like I'm tryna get a full body surgery or something, lol.

So any who... I asked her why she was asking me that question, and she said "I was just curious... women in our city are so gorgeous but we never see that within ourselves." And so with the boredom of my day I surveyed away, lol. I asked a good few women, most that I am close to of course. And the answers I got were surprising. We look at every damn thing on our body. Shit 99.9% of people wouldn't even notice. LITERALLY!!!!

These are some answers I got from some females... The things they weren't necessarily a fan of, wished they could improve, but at the same time I hadn't noticed any of these things, lol.

- Weight (we kill ourselves over this one)

- Too much hair (if i can get laser treatment on everything... i would)

- Skin problems

- Teeth (I wish I had braces as a child)

- Knee caps (literally... knee caps. Nobody will notice this but YOU)

- Ears

- Hair

- Too much boobs or not enough

- Stretch marks

... and the list friggen goes on...

Now, I wanted to ask some of my boys what they didn't like about themselves... and as you may have guessed, most of them said I LOVE MYSELF! Lol. The only thing i really got was "I wish i was taller" ... K, so why the f#ck does it go this way. You got most of these dudes who think they're A-okay, and we got more than 95% of women out there who have so many things we would love to improve.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with how we feel about ourselves. It is totally natural that when we look in the mirror, we think "umm i wish my stomach was flatter" lol. But at the same time, does all this shit really matter? Is anyone out there perfect? We def don't give ourselves enough credit. More than half the things my lady friends mentioned, I never even noticed. I've known some of these girls for yearssss, and I don't see any of those features they mentioned. They look perfectly fine to me. There were a couple women out there who said they love themselves just how they are. They said that they have accepted who they are and have embraced it. BUT, that still doesn't mean you don't look at yourself in the mirror and wanna improve something. Kudos to you if you have embraced it all... and don't get it twisted, all the women I spoke to are all confident. Just cause you find something wrong with your body does not mean you haven't embraced it. I'm content with myself YET there's always room for improvement.

So seriously... as we bicker about our weight, who gives a shit eat that steak. As we talk about how much we hate our stretch marks, we can't change it. We complain about our teeth not being straight enough, Smile anyway cause whomever is falling in love with you, surely isn't for your frown. Our boobs aren't perky enough?!?! Totally take that bra of while you're making love cause you know for damn sure he's loving it no matter what.

Always room for improvement, but no need to dwell over these things. Beautiful regardless of our knee caps, weight, thin hair, dark circles under our eyes, feet, stretch marks, ears... and the million other things we talk about. At the end of the day.... NOBODY is born without a FLAW. When you sit there and think about all the things you don't necessarily like about yourself, flip that around and think about the things you do love about yourself ;)

SideNote: I put some pics up of my gawjus lady friends... just by looking at them you would never see that there's anything noticeable right?! But of course we all look at ourselves and notice every little flaw to US. I don't give a shit if I'm not fit, I'm going to a buffet tonight!!! =) =)

The Break-Up Phase

After a break-up there are so many mixed feelings that we all go through: sad, depressed, angry, hopeful, doubtful, and even happy moments. The happy moments are the ones we want to hold onto, but are easily stolen from us because the menacing jerks (anger and sadness) are greedy and don’t know when to take a walk when we ask them to. Of course, it doesn’t help when you’re still in a “relationship” even after the relationship has ended. What exactly is the break-up phase? It’s the relationship you’re still in even though you have broken up; the one where you’re not friends but are best friends and you really don’t want to be either. It’s the part where you are still confused about not being lovers anymore, but want to be intimate even though you shouldn’t. This is the phase where you have to learn how to manage all those feelings as well as this new “relationship” and still have your sanity intact. It’s not an easy road, but it’s a road we all walk on at some point. Let’s face the truth and admit that it’s not easy to quit cold turkey. Trying to move on is next to impossible when you are still wondering how they are doing, what they are doing, who they are with and are they happy? Talk to one another as comfortably as you can. If once a week or month works for both of you then do it because they are wondering the same things too. You are not crazy and you are definitely not pathetic either. It’s normal to still want them even though a large part of you doesn’t want them at all. It’s a long process to get out of the break-up phase, but it is not impossible. Stay busy! Read a book, go for a walk, call your girlfriends and put on your freakum dress, do whatever you need to do to stay busy. Eventually the feeling of wanting will fade and you will begin to want to spend more time with yourself. This will be the relationship you were seeking all along and the best one you could ever have. By this time when the Ex has called for their yearly (monthly, bi-weekly or weekly) check-up, you have already been well on the way to recovery and have even forgotten that their birthday has just passed. However, be nice to them. They may not have gotten pass the phase like you have and if you don’t want anything to do with them, kindly tell them so. Breaking up is hard to do but the phase after the break-up is the hardest part, but never impossible to get through!

Quotes!

I have nothing much to blog about... but since I haven't blogged in a while I figured I put up some quotes I like. Enjoy! =)

- "Do, or Do Not... there is no 'try' "

- "Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday"

- "Experience is the name so many people give to their mistake"

- "Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn't pay... So if you keep reading, you'll go broke"

- "Never interrupt your opponent while he's making a mistake"

- "It may look like I'm doing nothing, but I'm actively waiting for my problems to go away"

- "Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby"

- "If you're gonna go... Go obnoxiously"

- "Life is like photography; Use the negatives to develop"

- "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian"

- "Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them"

- "Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege"

- "You laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at you because you are all the same"

- "It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument"

- "Do what you love and love what you do... Cause people who mind don't matter & people who matter don't mind"

- "Beginnings are usually scary and endings are usually sad, but it's everything in between that makes it all worth living"

- "& i promise... someday you'll regret losing me... and you'll think back and say 'damn, that girl really did love me' "

- "Forget Love; I'd rather fall in Chocolate"